Friday, March 5, 2010

i was still alive 3

People started coming to my home. Soon they flooded the house as well as the street out side the house. Some came by car some by bus some on foot and some were still in trains. Everyone was informed about my death. My buas came crying and some friends of papa came with a calming face. Some neighbors gave their chairs to provide some seating to the guests and some mats were also laid on the road. I jumped on the street from the balcony to see all of them. All of them were quite silent, some sat on the red and white chairs, some sat on the mat, some neighbors were also peeping out of their balconies and some were trying to look from their windows. They were coming continuously, the number of scooters and bikes and cars increases outside my house. I saw them all; some were interested in the cause of death, while some preferred silence. Some were talking about their shares on mobile and some were chattering in the loudest voice allowed. Small kids were running one after each other, may be playing train-train, just like I use to play. At that time, it was the first time in my life when I see my picture in everyone’s eye, and in each eye it was with a different perspective, some said I was a nice guy and remembered the time that how I use to serve water to them with my little hands when I was a kid, while some said that I was rude and that I never even whished the. Some who saw me playing said he was good at cricket and some who saw me riding fast on the back seat of my friends said that I was a bully and bad element for “civilized” society. Some said that I was good at studies because I cracked JEE; some said I was just a cheater because I was not helping their son in doing the same. Different people were having different perceptions about me, and most of them were derived by one or in some cases, two, but one thing that they all shared in common was that every one ended saying “he must not have died”.

In the silence of sorrow outside the house, loud voices of ladies crying was clearly audible. They were roaring. I walked through a wall and reached a hall where all the women were sitting and my corpse was lying. This time its clothes were changed and the new ones replaced the night suit. Among them my mom, grandma, and buas were those who were sat nearer and who were crying the most, then as I saw till end, number of faces I knew decreased and at the end of the hall, hardly anyone was crying. I was smiling to see that the dead body is a dead body always, but only those cry who feel they lose it. One more thing I saw was the kids, some kids were also crying, not for me, but because their mummy was crying. Rest all the kids were behaving like kids, and they should also, because childhood never returns, and we should stay far, at least as far as possible from all these worldly things. Then my phone rang. I teleported myself to my room bt others took the stairs. It was her. The moment I saw her number calling I wished I could be there where she is and I reached there. I was in her room. I’ve met her two times in last 3 years, ever since I had known her. We have been together only on phone. I saw that she was still sleeping, rather pretending to be sleeping. She had sent me some messages which I sis not replied, so she was calling me. I realized one more power in me, I could hear her mind. She was saying pick up the phone, why are not you picking up the phone. She was looking beautiful and she was beautiful. Finally someone picked up the phone. It was my brother. He did not know her but then his and my voices are quite same so she got confused and said why you were not picking up the phone.

My brother said, I m sorry but he will never pick up your phone, his voice was like he was about to cry.
She was still thinking that it was me, so she said, what happened dear, why are you crying??
My brother answered very respectfully as if he understood who she was to me and said elder brother died this morning in sleep, he will never pick up your phone. And he cut the phone.

She was shocked. I don’t know bigger word o else I would have used, she was shocked. I don’t know why, everyone who listened about me or saw me dead, started staring at infinity. Not trying to hold the tears but they did not fell spontaneously as they use to do whenever I use to say any thing that can hurt her. But today she was really hurt. I was the first guy in her life and may be I was the last one. For last three years she has considered me as her god. She told me every single secret of her life, she talked to me every single day of these three years, she loved me more than anyone else can love me only after my parents, and whether or not I was with her, she was always with me. She was far away from me, always more than a 100 miles but she never ever thought of any one else. I saw her face, I saw her sad, that was the first time I saw her crying, but her heart was sad this time, really very very sad, and this time I truly figured out how she must have felt when I slept talking to her in night, when I did not replied to her SMSes, when I cut her phone when I was busy, when I told her that I cant talk because I have lot of work to do, when I scolded her for complaining that I am not romantic, for everything wrong that I did, and that I did very over and over again, but she never complained of anything, she never told me to part or ways, in fact I did. She shrunk herself, collected her knees closer to her, took her pillow, and bind her arms around the pillow, as if I am the pillow, and hid her face under the pillow for crying, as if she was crying on my shoulders. She did not screamed, just a long sigh and the mix sound of air through her nostrils and her crying was enough to explain everything. I always wanted to hug her, kiss her, touch her, to wipe her tears whenever she cried, to share her joy whenever she was happy, to see her face blooming like sunflower on her every point of success, and also to be with her, but inspite of being miles away, we were very close. Everything you wish need not come true, and you may not get everything you want to. I was happy that now I could be with her all the time, whenever I want, though she will never know.

I went back to my home. It was still the same. Only the number of people increased, my friends were also informed, some more relatives, cousins crying, friends crying, colleagues crying, only I was not crying. I come to know some more secrets of life, even those cry for you whom you think could never ever care for you, and it does not mean that a person who don’t cry for you don’t care for you. It means that he is considering that I might hurt your soul if you saw him crying and that your soul might not be happy after you saw him crying. I also came to know a few more good things which I have never thought of, the person who says something bad about you, or criticize you either on speeding in market or for not helping you, purposely wants to hurt you because he doesn’t want you to remember him, because if you remember him, you might feel sad. And those who praises you after your death, didn’t want to hurt you, but they think that your soul must live in peace, so they purposely say all those good things which they remember about you, just in case if God is listening, or some one told Him then He might provide your soul with more comfort. What else I took hold of was that all these are tricks designed by nature which you don’t want to play but the ultimate power of Him forces you to play all cards you have, sometime wrong sometimes right.

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